Why Having a Bad Day is a Good Thing

I had a bad day yesterday. Oh, nothing horrible happened to cause my bad day. I was just not in a good way. I was over-tired, and reeling from a super-busy and stressful week. Physically, I was in pain, because my shoulder is acting up again. And yesterday, it all kind of compounded, leaving me just a little “off”.

By 5pm, I was exhausted and grumpy. I shut off the computer, put on my pyjamas and spent the rest of the evening motionless on the sofa. I went to bed at 9 and fell asleep at 9:30.

I’m thankful for my bad days. Here’s why:

Crash and Burn
I have a weak sense of when I’m overdoing it. I always have. I go go go go go until I crash. My “bad days” are my crash. It’s my body, mind and spirit’s way of telling me to take a break. When I was in my early twenties, I didn’t recognize my “crash”. So I just barrelled through it, kept working and playing and stressing. Until I got sick. Had mono that kept me in bed and off work for weeks. Then I got sick again. Had to have an operation. Only at that point, did I realize that not listening to my “crash” had become the “crash and burn”, which takes much longer to recover from. I’ve learned to recognize my crash point. I respect it by taking a break, resting my body and mind and focusing on myself.

Moving Forward
Everytime I have one of these bad days, my mind overtakes me. My thoughts become irrational and I get highly emotional. I am extra sensitive to everything. My buttons push more easily. But once I’ve had the opportunity to rest, and I’m on the other side of it, I almost always learn something new about myself. I think about the combination of things that have put me in that state of mind in the first place. And I gain a new sense of self-awareness that helps me to avoid letting those same things overtake me in the future.

Life is a balancing act. We all need to make sure that we are able to create balance in our lives. But balance is just that. The pendulum swings back and forth – to the extreme of contentment and wellness, and to the extreme of stress and confusion. In each of those spaces resides an opportunity to learn and to move forward.

So don’t let the bad days get you down. Accept them for what they are, respect what your body and mind is telling you, and wake up the next day with a new perspective.

Overwhelmed?

I woke up this morning with an anxious knot in the pit of my stomach. My thought pattern went much like this:

I’m traveling to Cincinnati at the end of the week, so my mind is racing with everything that needs to happen before we leave Thursday night. There is a ton of stuff to do to get ready for the trip. (passports, health insurance info, video equipment, laptop, clean socks, toothbrush etc. etc. etc). Drop the dog off at the kennel. Drop the other pets off at their Grandparents’ house. Get pet food. Get fish feeder block. Pack. Figure out how to fit all our crap in the Jeep.

And that’s just the trip preparation. Then there’s work! I have to write a proposal, co-write at least one episode of our show, finish some web content, follow up on umpteen proposals and advertising contracts, develop navigation for a new web site, and make sure our design team has enough to keep them busy while we’re away.

All of this occured to me within about 30 seconds of waking up this morning. No wonder I am anxious.

I sat at the computer, heart palpitating at the thought all I had to do, and what email demands were awaiting to distract me from those tasks. My eyes hit Chris Brogan’s post about Drowning almost immediately. Sometimes hearing about someone else who is feeling similarly can allow a different perspective to flood in. It worked, snapping me out of my ego-minded selfish way of thinking. “Hey, I’m not the only person in the world with a long to do list,” I thought to myself. “How am I going to handle it?” I sat back, took a deep breath, and reminded myself of how I deal with extreme busy-ness.

I’m really in to top ten lists lately, so here’s my top ten list of things anyone can do to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

1. Make a list on paper. Prioritize the list, and schedule when you will accomplish certain tasks.
2. Once you’ve scheduled a task, don’t think about it again until it’s time to do it.
3. Re-write the list when necessary. Check things off and don’t worry about them once they are done.
4. Don’t be afraid to do like Chris did, and ask not to be disturbed. 99% of people will respect that. If they don’t, ignore them.
5. Turn off the distractions. No email, no CrackBerry, no phone calls until you’ve accomplished a certain task.
6. Minimize distractions, but don’t wait till 5pm to check your day’s worth of email. That will only overwhelm you more. Make time right after lunch to spend 1/2 an hour dealing with email. File anything you can’t address within 1 or 2 minutes and deal with it when the rush is over. If you have to, send a quick reply telling the person when you will be able to get back to them.
7. Take a break. The world will wait while you spend 45 minutes to take a walk, do some yoga or have lunch with your spouse. Don’t think about your lists while you are on your break.
8. Sleep. Nobody is asking you to stay up all night. If you need to rest, even for a couple of hours, do it. You will be much more productive if you aren’t exhausted.
9. Eat. If you don’t eat, your brain won’t work. Your blood sugar will crash leaving you emotional and frustrated. Make sure you get protein and veggies. And a Big Mac doesn’t count as protein and veggies.
10. This too shall pass. You WILL get through your list. The crazy busy time will end. You WILL get to take a break. And you’re not alone. We all feel overwhelmed sometimes.

Anything you’d add to the list? How do you avoid getting overwhelmed?

I’m off to get cracking on my list now. Happy Monday!

Photo credit: bourgeoisbee on Flickr.

The Opposite of Creative

cre·a·tive [kree-ey-tiv]:
Having the quality or power of creating.

de·struc·tive [di-struhk-tiv]:
Tending to destroy; causing destruction or much damage.

Alfred Hitchcock defined happiness as “A clear horizon…being creative rather than destructive.”

I’ve always thought that the opposite of creative was, well…”uncreative”. Or “non-creative”. You’re either creative, or you’re not, right? But it seems the great Mr. Hitchcock was onto something when he suggested being creative instead of destructive. Create….destruct. Creative…destructive. Creativity….destructivity.

If I apply these terms to describe a state of mind, it begins to become more clear.

A destructive state of mind is one that is mired in worry, self doubt, and negative thoughts and emotions. This self doubt causes the mind to slow down and become muddy and unclear. It’s hard to think, to get off the couch, do anything. Trying to create anything of use in this state is an exercise in futility. At this point, it’s really about self-destruction. In extreme cases, the destructive behaviour can extend beyond the individual to others around him or her, causing suffering not only to the person causing the destruction, but to many other people.

On the other hand, a creative state of mind is one that is free from negative thought and open to accepting things just as they are. The mind is sharp, fresh and crystal clear. Thoughts enter and leave of their own accord. It’s that leap-out-of-bed, take on the world feeling. That is where creativity can really begin. Extreme cases of creativity can inspire great works and solve great problems, not only for the individual but for the greater good of mankind.

I consider myself a creative person. But at times that creativity doesn’t come easily. It isn’t there when I haven’t had enough sleep or eaten the right foods. It isn’t there if I’m too worried and preoccupied with other things that I falsely consider important. It definitely isn’t there when I’m surrounded by negative people or situations.

I have come to realize that creative really is the opposite of destructive. But it doesn’t mean you need to eliminate all the problems in your life so you can be creative – that would be impossible. Instead, it’s about taking control of the destructive forces at play in your life. By working through them, instead of against them, creativity will rise to the surface. It might seem easier said then done, but ironically, it’s at times when there is turmoil in your life that your true creativity can shine.

I asked a songwriter friend once why he hadn’t written a song for so long, and he said “I’m too happy!”. When my friend would experience struggles in his life, he wouldn’t complain about it and get wrapped up in negative energy. He’d use that energy to create something wonderful.

Next time you are feeling like you’re being sucked down into destructive thinking, try turning that destructive tendency into a creative one. Write something, play music, draw, paint, or figure out a way to solve world hunger. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it’s in the spirit of creation.

How do you stay creative?

A Case of the Mondays

Have you ever had one of those days? Of course you have.

You know the kind. When you get up on the wrong side of the bed, and everything just seems out of sync, not quite right, and all the little bits and pieces of the day just add up to one big mess.

Oh, nothing catastrophic happens on days like this. In fact, it might even be that it’s just like every other day. but for what ever reason, you can’t seem to handle any of it.

This was my day today. I can’t really pinpoint what my problem was. I just seemed to be out of sync with the universe. Every phone call, email, conversation I had seemed just a bit off-kilter. I was distressed by small things. My mind wouldn’t stop being concerned about all of it, but I couldn’t focus on any of it. And it didn’t help that my office is surrounded by road construction right now -so my out of whack day was set to the background music of jackhammers, backhoes and that truly excruciating “beep…beep…beep…beep” of trucks reversing.

I left early, having done just about as much damage as I could do, and went home in a grump. I was exhausted, but I felt as if I really hadn’t accomplished anything all day! That only made me more frustrated. Of course my grumpy mood didn’t go over too well with my spouse, so I retreated to the basement and watched some stupid Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy and had a proper fit.

I emerged sometime later and satiated myself with comfort food (microwaved hot dogs – I know – it’s gross, but it worked), and lied down on the bed next to hubby while he watched the hockey game. I dozed off for about 20 minutes and when I awoke, remarkably, I was clear again.

What is it that makes us go into these blue funks once in a while? I know we all do it, for varying lengths of time, with varying symptoms. True, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, a lot of small stresses that I guess culminated in one big ball of stress that just had to come out. But now it’s over and I feel as if I can move forward with a clear head again.

What I need to figure out is what I can do to avoid this happening again? It doesn’t happen that often but when it does, man, it wears me out. I think I’m going to start by avoiding my construction-ridden office and working from the homestead for the next little while.

The good thing is I’m feeling much better and I’m back to my positive frame of mind.

This is the first time I’ve asked my blog readers for advice on emotional stuff. But I know that you are wise, and I appreciate any insight you care to share!

Spreading the Sunshine is Contagious

I was involved in a VERY minor fender bender yesterday. It was one of those flukey situations where I was turning right at an intersection. I had a yield, and there was a car about 20 feet in front of me. I looked back for 1/2 a second and the car in front of me slammed on its brakes, and boom! I smacked into the rear bumper. My fault, which I openly admit, but mostly a case of bad timing. I was only traveling about 3km an hour so it wasn’t more than just a little tap.

I watched as the woman in the car opened the door and climbed out, all the while thinking to myself “Please let her be nice, please let her be nice!”. I took one look at her disgruntled face and thought “Crap. She’s mean.”

In that moment, I decided there were two ways I could approach this situation. I could jump out, criticize her for slamming on her brakes, be stressed, panicked and flustered.

Or, I could decide to just accept the situation for what it was.

I hopped out of my car, and walked over to her, and smiled. I got down and inspected her bumper, and said “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, terribly sorry. Fortunately there doesn’t seem to be any damage!” To which she replied, “Well…MY back hurts!!!” She was not a happy camper. “I want your insurance information!”, she yelled. This was not going well.

Again, I reminded myself to remain completely present and attentive to what she was saying, instead of letting my own ego start to defend my actions.

“Of course! I’ll be right back.” Smiled again. I went to the car and got my info, wrote it down and included my cell phone number. The woman was standing outside her car, rubbing her back, sighing, shaking her head. Projecting her negative energy all over the place.

I hopped back out of the car, still smiling, still present, and handed her my information. “Like I said, I’m really sorry about this, and I hope your back feels better. Here’s my information, and if you need anything else just give me a call.” Smiled again. And that’s when it happened.

All of a sudden, the woman’s expression changed from one of disdain and frustration to something very pleasant. She said to me, “It’s just that I worry because I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for months about my back and when the car hit I felt it jarr again. Thanks for giving me this information.” And….wait for it…she SMILED at me!

I said “Take care!” and got back in my car, feeling extremely good.

When faced with any sort of adversity in your day, try just turning on the sunshine. All it takes is bringing your complete awareness to the moment, the situation you are in. Then your mind is free from its thoughts, trying to rationalize and defend your own position in whatever negative influence is going on. And with that kind of clarity, you can really see the other person’s position. And instead of bringing more negativity to something that is already bad, you can bring positive energy and balance. Even the most negative person can’t resist the effects of positive energy being directed their way.

So next time something crappy happens to you – try a bit of sunshine. It’s the perfect antidote.

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Photo by Kevin Rosseel, from MorgueFile.

Jill Bolte Taylor and her Stroke of Insight

I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”. Now before you go shoving this book aside as more ‘new age hogwash’, take a look at this TED video from Jill Bolte Taylor. Ms. Bolte Taylor is a neuro-scientist, who woke up one morning experiencing a massive hemorrhage on the left side of her brain. Being a brain scientist, she studied every moment of her experience and gives an emotional retelling of her story. Tolle’s book is a hard read, and it’s not for everyone. But this talk pretty much sums up what Tolle is talking about, and it’s pretty amazing stuff.

Proposed Rules of Engagement for the Social Network

Social networks are fascinating. They are made up of all kinds of people, from all walks of life, brought together out of a shared interest or interests, into a big pot of text, audio and video soup. Sure, there are plenty of people who have become good friends on the Internet…fallen in love, even. Heck, I met my husband online! So I know that it IS a great way to meet and foster important relationships with other people.

But those aren’t the relationships I’m speaking of. I’m talking about people who may share a common interest, but may not see it the same way. These are people that  would probably not socialize in person…they are too different. It’s those differences of opinion that keep the conversation interesting. It’s impassioned, intelligent people talking about things that matter most to them.

There are many techniques for expressing differences of opinion, and strategies for debating, even arguing effectively. Toastmasters comes to mind as an organization that promotes effective debating skills. I’ve been noticing lately that although some people are extremely skilled at debate, argument, opinions, whatever you want to call them (Leo Laporte and his TWIT crew come immediately to mind), others are maybe not so skilled. After reading endless posts and videoblogs about the Sarah Lacy interview, and then today coming across the Duncan Riley/FriendFeed posts, I realized that maybe some people are not quite so skilled at expressing an opinion and perhaps more importantly, listening to other people’s opinions. When this happens, it ends up becoming nothing more than a defensive bitchfest. It becomes about one group of people being right and another group being wrong. It becomes more than a debate…it becomes a conflict. The point is, debate and opinion are positive forces that contribute to the overall good experience of being involved in the social network. Conflict is a negative force that causes defensiveness, overactive egos and hurt feelings. In extreme cases, it causes wars.

I am the last person who wants to do anything to disrupt the free flow of opinion, debate and conversation that makes the social network so powerful. However I’d like to propose the following list, to serve as a set of guidelines for people who want to debate, share opinions and, even argue without getting mired in conflict.

Proposed Rules of Engagement for the Social Network

1. Respect the opinions of the community. You don’t have to agree with everyone, and nobody has to agree with you. Be OK with that.
2. Listen to what others have to say before getting defensive. Sometimes there’s a lesson in other people’s critiques.
3. Don’t call people names. It’s just cheap.
4. Everyone is good at something. Figure out what you are good at and don’t knock other people if they aren’t good at it too.
5. Be encouraging. Don’t discourage.
6. Pick your battles.
7. If someone is spreading mean or hateful messages about someone or something, it’s the responsibility of the community to try to stop them. Don’t tolerate hate.

I want to hear from you. Do you agree with this or disagree? Do you think it goes too far, or is it necessary in order to maintain the health of the community?

The Best Gift of All

When I was a kid, I used to get SO excited about Christmas. It wasn’t just about Santa’s visit for me, although that of course, was a big part of it. I remember one year I asked Santa for a big, stuffed Garfield (It was the 80′s. Garfield was HOT). Thinking back, it wasn’t even that big. But to me, at the time a stuffed animal connoisseur and huge fan of Garfield, it was, like, totally awesome. Anything less was, like, gag me with a spoon! I was obsessed. I re-read my letter about 100 times, and even after it was sent, I worried that maybe Santa would misunderstand my request. What if I got the smaller one? What if it didn’t fit in his sleigh? This, was my holiday stress.

As I’ve gotten older, my Santa list has become less of a stress, and my focus has shifted to the giving. I love to give people gifts. It’s fun, and it makes me feel good. And that is really what it’s all about, right? In recent years, I’ve backed off from buying a gift for every single friend I’ve talked to during the year. It was getting a bit ridiculous, my credit card was about to catch on fire from overuse, and I didn’t like to make people uncomfortable if I get them something and they don’t get me anything. Not that I care if I get anything in return, but I know it makes some people feel bad (including me, if I’m the non-giver).

So this year I have taken a different approach to giving. For instance, I was in the mall the other day and my friend called. We were planning to get together for a drink later, but she was going to be late because she needed to buy a new pair of gloves. She was absolutely dreading going to the mall (my friend hates shopping as it is!) but it was a necessary evil. Without missing a beat, I said to her “I am at the mall, in the craziness already – why don’t I just buy some gloves for you, save you a trip?” She was thrilled. So off I went, feeling like a little elf, and picked out a fabulous pair of gloves. She was so happy to see me, and the nice new gloves. I didn’t expect anything in return, and I felt great!

And it works both ways. After the big Ottawa snowstorm this week, we ended up with the usual snowplow dump at the end of our freshly shoveled laneway. I was at work, dreading having to dig out the 5 foot snowbank when I got home just so I could get near the house. As I rounded the corner on my street, I noticed that some good neighbour had snowblowed the end of not only my driveway, but everyone’s driveway on the street! Now I don’t know who it was, but I was extremely grateful. I wish I could find out, so I could thank them personally. But they weren’t looking for anything in return, and I bet he or she felt much like I did when I gave my friend her new gloves.

Christmas does not have to just be all about the gifts. And it certainly doesn’t have to stress you out. Doing a favour for a friend, like braving the malls for a pair of gloves, or helping someone deal with all this crazy snow, can bring as much joy as that new iPod or video game. It’s important to remember at this time of year, as we stress about what to get someone or worry about how expensive this season is, that it doesn’t have to be that way. It is easy to do something nice for someone, and it’s free. But it is, I think, one of the best gifts of all.

Merry Christmas!

Take the Blinders Off

It’s never been my intention to use this blog as a bitch session, but there has been something bugging me lately and I need to get it off my chest.

Have you noticed that people these days seem to be very self absorbed? I mean, there are plenty of people I know who are always self absorbed..selfish…self centred. But I’m talking in general. It’s not just people I know – in a lot of cases it’s total strangers.

For example, I’m in the mall today. And I have to tell you I don’t know how many times I was bumped and pushed by people walking towards me in the other direction. Or they just stare at me like I’m some kind of rude bugger who won’t get out of the way. How many times people stood in line behind me, huffing and puffing because the girl was taking too long to ring up the order.

What really bugs me about all of this is that many people these days don’t seem to pay any heed to what is going on around them. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the rude shopping mall people or the ones that just don’t pay attention to the important people in their lives. With most people these days – It’s all me me me. What I want to do. Where I want to go. The drama that is unfolding in my life. People seem to have no concern for how someone else might feel about their incessant whining, complaining, and negativity. Or for how someone might feel if they don’t honour their commitments, or take that little bit of extra time to make someone important feel special.

In addition, for all of the positive things happening in my life these days, I’m still getting a lot of “must be nices”. I hate “Must be nices”. Must be nice you got a new office. Must be nice you get to work for yourself. Must be nice you own a house, or a pool, or a black lab…or whatever!

So here’s what I’d like to see happen. I’d like people to just take a step back out of their own heads for a second, take the blinders off, and have a look around. There are a lot of fascinating things going on outside of your house full of kids, your shitty job and your bad relationships. It’s a challenge to do this sometimes, because most of us are in the habit of feeling sorry for ourselves…(“nobody has it worse than I do!” – heard that one before?). I think everyone who reads this (myself included) should do at least one thing this week that is totally for someone else. Here are some ideas:

Call a friend just to find out how they are really doing (not to bitch about how crappy your life is).
Go see your Mom on Mother’s Day and bring her something really nice, that you know she will genuinely love.
Organize a street hockey game for the neighbourhood kids…just so they can have some fun.
Take your kid(s), niece(s), nephew(s), to a movie that you know they will really enjoy.
Make dinner for your best friend, just to show how much you appreciate her/him.

See? It’s not that hard, and I guarantee, stepping out of the self absorption for awhile will make you feel better, and make those around you feel better about you.

Oh, and for anyone out there who tends to think or say “must be nice”….stop it NOW. It serves no purpose whatsoever except to show your jealousy (a truly useless emotion). Instead, replace the “must be nice” with “I am soooo happy for you! You truly deserve everything you have!” Everyone will be better off for it – including you.

But I want to hear from you, dear blog readers…why do YOU think people are so self-absorbed these days? Or do you even think that at all?

In the Midst of Chaos…

It’s a good thing us TV producers thrive on chaos, because we got our fair dose of it today. Let’s see, where to begin…at the beginning I guess…

9am this morning, my partner and I headed off to the office. We had an important meeting at 10am so wanted to get there in time to make the coffee, print up our paper work and tidy up before our guests arrived. Plus we had the window cleaning company coming at 10:30 to clean our filthy windows. We walked in the office and it is HOT. I mean stifling. The A/C has been acting up the past few days and the landlord was looking into it, but today it seemed to have failed altogether. And with a high of 27 degrees today, it wasn’t looking good.

We go next door to check the thermostat and discover that overnight there has been a massive leak and water is everywhere! Thank goodness not in our suite, but the rest of the tenants have had some pretty significant flooding. The landlord is called and he’s on his way when we realize that it’s now 9:55 and our guests are due to arrive at any minute to our beautiful, but hot and damp office that is filling up fast with various service technicians.

The phone rings and it’s the window cleaners, who are at my partner’s house doing her windows and have accidentally let the dog out of the backyard. So now the little 10 pound brown dog is roaming the neigbourhood, collarless. And guess what – our guests have just arrived. Fantastic!!!

We go in the boardroom and start our meeting, amidst the loud water-sucking machines and fans next door, the landlord running in and out of our office on his cell phone, the mail man (who we know from a previous life) stopping in to say hi and the various other tenants in the building coming down to discuss the situation with us.

A fire truck screams down the street (did I mention we are two blocks from the fire station?), my partner’s husband calls to say he can’t find the dog anywhere, and of course, the window cleaners show up to clean our windows.

In spite of it all, we had a very successful meeting. An hour and a half later, we and our guests were all very happy with what we had accomplished. They left with a smile on their faces. The chaos had subsided. Until we realized that the dog was still missing. CRAP!!

We jumped in the car and booted home, and spent the next 45 minutes searching the neighbourhood for the dog, but to no avail. I decide to go home and make dinner for me and the hubby, as my partner and I will definitely need to work tonight to make up for the fact that we got nothing accomplished but a good meeting today. And I’m of course terribly worried about the dog, as is everyone – but there’s nothing we can do for now.

As I’m driving up the road towards a main intersection (Churchill Avenue for you Ottawa folks) I notice two people standing on the corner pointing and staring at something down the road. I glance and to my disbelief, it’s the dog. He’s about 3 blocks away and running fast, so I do a fast u-turn, run a red light, pull over and jump out of the car. I run down the street after him, severely hampered by my 2 inch high heels (curse business attire!!) so I whip them off and I’m down to bare feet on pavement. Ouch.

I hightail it after the dog (reminder – he’s only 10 pounds, but he’s a fast little bugger and I am in bare feet) and I can’t catch him to save my life. People are encouraging me, trying to help..”He went thataway”…”Just saw him run behind that building!”. One woman even got out of her car and joined in the chase.

I have now run about 6 blocks at high speed in bare feet, but I still have the dog in sight. He’s far ahead of me, so I call my partner’s husband to come in his truck and nab the pup. 20 seconds later he’s there and he scoops up the dog. I am completely winded. He swings back around and picks me up and takes me back to my car. Then I went grocery shopping.

In the midst of chaos, we are thriving still. Sometimes I think the universe is testing us, to see if we are really ready for all this. If today is any indication, I think we totally, totally are.